The other day I was listening to a federal judge talk about, what federal judges like to talk about - how we lawyers should treat them, practice in front of them, and the things they hate.
So I thought I'd return the favor: (WARNING - attempts at humor are below)
 I understand that your day sometimes frees up due to a trial that ended in a guilty plea, or some other scheduling issue, but can you understand that when I am scheduled to appear at 2p.m., it does not necessarily mean that I have cleared my entire day, making it possible for you call my office at 10 a.m. and request that I "come over now?"
 If I take the podium and mistakenly say "good morning" and announce my appearance before you've asked for "appearances," can you not make a big deal out of it by making it clear that I've spoken out of turn?
 There are no awards, bonuses, or monumental legacies left by granting no continuances. If the Government thought every case should go to trial 31 days after arraignment, they wouldn't have a 70 day speedy trial rule.
 If I had a year or four to investigate my case, interview witnesses, and speak with the agents, I'd always be ready at the first calendar call too, and be saying things like "we're always ready judge." Really, I would.
 Are lawyers really that rude to your staff that you always have to tell us to "be nice" to everyone? Have you ever thought that......nevermind.
Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense attorney in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com
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