Can't remember the magazine, Men's Health maybe? GQ? I saw the editor recently wrote his column about Charlie Sheen and called it "Dear Charlie."
So I'll say "Hey, Charlie" instead.
What's up with you? You're not doing too well. Screwing porn stars, being publicly nasty to your wife, claiming you're cured of your problems with alcohol. C'mon, let's be real.
You're spiraling, downward. I know this because I have clients tell me all the time that they're "OK." I know they're not. I hear their voices, look at their skin, watch their demeanor. It's obvious. You're obvious Charlie.
And now you lash out at what's his name - the guy you work with on your show that pays you 2 million an episode? What's up with that? Where are we going with all this?
You're feeling abandoned by some folks? That's what happens when they can't deal with your excesses anymore. They walk. They relieve themselves of the great and stressful and tiring responsibility they have endured to be your friend. It's too difficult when you act like a complete asshole at every opportunity.
What happened to the guy who played Bud Fox?
C'mon Charlie, dump the porn stars and strippers. Rekindle with or divorce your wife, apologize to your TV family, and cut the crap.
You think AA is bullshit? OK, do something else. Just shut up, get clean, and move on with your life.
Or you'll die. I know. I've seen it.
Couple times. At least.
Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court, and the author of The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. Post to Twitter
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