Saturday, November 29, 2008

Wal-Mart Black Friday Trampling Death Investigative Final Report

November 29, 2008-Valley Station, New York

At approximately 3 a.m. several hundred "if it's free it's for me" collected at the entrance of the Wal-Mart discount store to await a 5 a.m. "Black Friday" opening in which those present were anticipating additional discounts on items not needed, or affordable based on their current credit and mortgage situation.
At approximately 4:59 a.m. shoppers began to attempt their own entry into the Wal-Mart by tearing off hinges on the front doors and stampeding towards the "electronics" section. A casualty of this "stampede" was the trampling of a 34 year old "temporary employee" of Wal-Mart who was not employed long enough to attend the "how to avoid getting trampled on Black Friday by the disgusting excuse for humans that live in neighboring homes.

Upon questioning, police gathered the following information:

"What guy?"

"What does him laying there have to do with me getting a T.V.?"

"Am I going to have to go to another Wal-Mart to get an XBOX 360?"

"He wasn't a very good greeter, he wouldn't help us take the doors off the hinges."

"Is the pizza thing open?"

As it cannot be determined how the stampede began or who dealt the fatal blow to the worker, this investigation is closed.

Wal-Mart though, is open, with not only "Low, Low prices, but also "Low, Low people."

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit