Wal-Mart Black Friday Trampling Death Investigative Final Report

November 29, 2008-Valley Station, New York

At approximately 3 a.m. several hundred "if it's free it's for me" collected at the entrance of the Wal-Mart discount store to await a 5 a.m. "Black Friday" opening in which those present were anticipating additional discounts on items not needed, or affordable based on their current credit and mortgage situation.
At approximately 4:59 a.m. shoppers began to attempt their own entry into the Wal-Mart by tearing off hinges on the front doors and stampeding towards the "electronics" section. A casualty of this "stampede" was the trampling of a 34 year old "temporary employee" of Wal-Mart who was not employed long enough to attend the "how to avoid getting trampled on Black Friday by the disgusting excuse for humans that live in neighboring homes.

Upon questioning, police gathered the following information:

"What guy?"

"What does him laying there have to do with me getting a T.V.?"

"Am I going to have to go to another Wal-Mart to get an XBOX 360?"

"He wasn't a very good greeter, he wouldn't help us take the doors off the hinges."

"Is the pizza thing open?"

As it cannot be determined how the stampede began or who dealt the fatal blow to the worker, this investigation is closed.

Wal-Mart though, is open, with not only "Low, Low prices, but also "Low, Low people."

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

A Criminal Defense Lawyer's Thanksgiving

I've done this post before. I didn't check the old one, but I will after I write this to see if I'm still thankful for the same things as a criminal defense lawyer.

I am thankful for:

1. Judges who say "don't worry sir, we'll pass your case until your lawyer gets here, I have plenty of other cases to handle."

2. Clients who don't spend the entire case telling me what their "friend who's a lawyer in New York" said we should do.

3. Courtroom staff who believe they have something else to do but tell lawyers to shut up all day.

4. Courtroom staff who don't get annoyed just at the notion that I have something to ask them.

5. Courtroom staff who don't spend all day letting everyone know they hate their job, their judge, their lives, everything.

6. Lawyers who have "been doing this" for longer than me who still enjoy it, or at least don't act like they have the worst job in the world.

7. Lawyers who have been doing this for less time than me who are passionate about, well, everything criminal defense.

8. Friendly cops.

9. The voluntary surrender.

10. Potential clients who don't ask "if I hire you, won't I look guilty?"

11. Clients who get a good result and don't act like they expected that exact result, and would have received it without you or any lawyer.

12. Return phone calls from prosecutors.

13. Probation officers who "don't want to violate" my client.

14. Cops that understand everyone can have a bad night, even if on that bad night, they assaulted a police officer, drove drunk, or did something else "stupid."

15. Fellow criminal lawyers who cover for you, and take care of whatever "pops" up at that "simple" hearing

17. Not working for.....anyone.

18. Judicial Assistants who don't act like getting on calendar is like asking for the parting of the red sea.

19. Judges that understand vacations, school plays, traffic, appearing by phone, and just "sorry, I was........"

20. that I have the greatest job any lawyer could have.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

“If I follow your analysis, we might as well do away with private defense counsel.”

UPDATED: Full analysis of motion hearing here.

That was U.S. District Judge Marcia Cooke at the Motion to Dismiss hearing today in U.S. v. Ben Kuehne.

More to come.....

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

Law Enforcement's Rule #1 To Fight Budget Cuts: Scare The Crap Out Of The Public

If the Florida Department of Law Enforcement has to cut their budget by 18 million dollars, they may have to end Amber Alerts and Sex Offender Registry Notices.

The headline reads: "Declining state revenues could cause Florida’s Department of Law Enforcement to ax programs that keep our kids safe."

the story continues: "Amber Alerts could be a thing of the past in Florida. The program ended up on a list of things FDLE would get rid of if it was forced to cut its budget by 10 percent."

"The sex offender registry, where 44,000 people signed up to be notified when a sex offender moves near by, is also on the cut list."

Florida’s Chief Financial Officer is warning lawmakers that if FDLE was hit too hard by budget cuts, public safety would be at risk.

To put that in other words: "You touch our budget, good luck finding your missing kids and knowing if there's sex offenders in your neighborhood."

Typical.

It's what's referred to as the "Parade of Horribles." Tell the public that their biggest fears will come true, and get them to rally.

It gets old. If there's one thing government agencies don't like to do, it's prioritize. Announce cuts in law enforcement, and the first talking point is that "public safety will be affected."

Enough.

People are concerned about violent criminals, personal crimes like strong arm robbery, rape, and murder, and you know what, sometimes you just can't devote resources to hassling people selling flowers without a license. FDLE doesn't use their time for "selling flowers without a license" cases, but I trust they have some other program, department, or priority less important than missing kids or sex offenders.

So FDLE, you want to beat the drum that you won't be able notify the public about missing kids or sex offenders, good luck. Maybe you can spend that precious time looking for some credibility.

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

The ABA Wants To Know If You're Broke

The American Bar Association is conducting a survey to determine how the economy is affecting lawyers. Kind of like asking if sunlight causes a tan.

Here's the survey.

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

Standing Up For An Indicted Colleague

Hope to see you or your money at this event Thursday for Ben Kuehne.

Wall Street Journal Blog link to article

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

This Week Is "Get To Know A Fellow Blogger Week," Or So Says Houston's Mark Bennett

One of my favorite bloggers is Houston's Mark Bennett. What makes Mark's blog great is that he doesn't just post news about criminal law, he brings himself into the blog with his brutally honest opinions and analysis of the most interesting parts of our system.

Mark is also not beyond competing with Hallmark for creating his own holidays or "weeks" as I see from him declaring next week "Meet a Fellow Blogger Week."

(Is there a card for this Mark?)

So he goes on to list some bloggers that you may want to oh my, pick up the phone and call?????? Blasphemy!

Here's the link to the post, and here's some other bloggers with which you may want to have a real conversation.

Ft. Worth's Shawn Matlock

Glen Graham's Tulsa Criminal Defense

Grey Tesh's Palm Beach Criminal Lawyer Blog

John H. Bryan's West Virginia Criminal Law Blog

I recommend it.

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

Check The Verdict Form Guilty or uh, uh, uh

Hills v. State, 33 F.L.W D2539 (1st DCA 10/29/2008)

"The court commits fundamental error in submitting a case to the jury with a verdict form that does not have a "Not guilty" option.


    Brian L. Tannebaum
    Tannebaum Weiss, PL
    150 W Flagler Street
    Penthouse
    Miami, Florida 33130
    305.374.7850
    www.tannebaumweiss.com

It Could Be Worse - Blogger, Blogger's Lawyer Jailed In Burma

On a day when we celebrate America.....

Blogger jailed for 20 years over poem that mocked Burmese dictator

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com

How Not To Respond To A Criminal Defense Lawyer When He Doesn't Hire You

Colleague sent me this e-mail he received in response to him rejecting a candidate for his firm:


"That was the biggest mistake you ever made......ur hiring a law clerk and u were fortunate enough to find a licensed attorney with the academic credentials i have to interview for it. You'll come to regret that decision when the candidate you selected falls on their face or leaves you hanging and u will especially regret it when i go to te state attorney's office and whip you guys in court every time i come up against you. Good luck to u and ur second rate, pitiful little firm."

Any advice for junior?

Brian Tannebaum is a criminal defense lawyer in Miami, Florida practicing in state and federal court. Read his free ebook The Truth About Hiring A Criminal Defense Lawyer. To learn more about Brian and his firm, Tannebaum Weiss, please visit www.tannebaumweiss.com